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21st July
written by LS Girl

I recently learned that boys buy condoms at large grocery store chains because they have self-checkouts.  I immediately wondered – how many diseases or unwanted pregnancies have these annoying self-checkouts prevented among all demographics, not just young men. 

self-checkout condoms

I am not a fan of the DIY checkout aisles, and when I recently read that a large food distributor in our region was phasing them out, I cheered.  However, this new piece of information introduced a different perspective to me.

I began contemplating; what else are people doing to promote safety and comfort, armed with the privacy and anonymity a self-checkout affords?  How many rashes, itches, odors, pains and discomforts are relieved with a swipe and a beep?

I’m guessing it’s a lot.  This never occurred to me.

Eventually, my mind drifted to “the dark side” and I crawled slowly into various thoughts about purchases that a private exchange like this could enable.  They sell a lot of stuff at leading grocery store chains, especially in the “seasonal” aisle.  Things that cut, slice, burn, or tether and could be combined or integrated into a recipe for some majorly bad things.

Being a glass half-full person who believes that people are inherently good, my mind quickly swerved back into the travel lane and continued on its original path: How many bottles of Rogaine or Head & Shoulders have beeped their way, secretly, into the showers and tubs of those in need?  Buying condoms can make anyone uncomfortable for many reasons.  I mean, they are available in several different sizes; that alone could deter some people.

It is not particularly often that a sentence makes my head spin.  But when a few words strung together forces me to stop and think: Wow, I never considered that – I feel exhilarated, and stupid, all in the time it takes to swallow one’s pride.

But, there it was – A sentence about self-checkouts and condoms.  So, I did what I have done 100 times before, and I wrote it down.

 In writing this essay, I looked up the semi-correct spelling of “self-checkout”, and in doing so discovered that a lot of people do not like these self-serve red light monsters.  In addition, there are more news stories published about stores phasing them out, than adding them in.  This brings me to the conclusion that we  probably need to stock up on embarrassing items now, before it is too late. 

What is your opinion of self-checkouts and/or buying embarrassing items?


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  1. Vandalay VanNostrand

    The problem with trying to buy embarrassing personal items unobserved using the self check out is that quite often there is some malfunction with the barcode scanner or the receipt printer and then have to get the attention of the self check out monitor person to come and help you, at which point everybody in every check out line looks at you and sees the item you were trying to buy unobserved. As far as condoms go- prior to the invention of laytex rubber, people made condoms out of sheeps intestines. Which explains the significantly lower than average number of unwanted pregnancies among shepherdesses. As far as embarrassing personal items go, I prefer to order them online, then Google can provide my information to marketers who might send me a target ad for some other embarrassing personal item that I might not have been aware even existed, because my local grocery store did not stock it. I have discovered that when it comes to embarrassing personal items, Google knows what I need better than I do. What items do YOU buy that you would rather not have others see you buying?

  2. 22/07/2013

    Everything you stated in your comment is so true! Especially the significantly lower than average number of babies born to shepherdesses. As for me, I would be embarrassed for people to see me buying DVD box sets of Seinfeld episodes, Disney movies, and/or the amount of bacon that I actually consume really should be categorized as a crime against my arteries. It is not unusual to see me with nothing but beer, bacon, and gourmet cookies in my cart. Yet, I consider myself a “fitness enthusiast”. Thanks for commenting on this article, if you have a blog, please share I’d love to check it out.

  3. Gary

    Agreed. Online is the way to go.
    Also, fun fact, Preparation H is one of the top items stolen from pharmacies because of the embarassment factor. (Like #4 after batteries, sunglasses, and candy)

  4. 23/07/2013

    Online is great when you can plan ahead. When you’re in the throws of a passionate relationship with hemorrhoids, even Amazon Prime doesn’t cut it, I’d imagine. Batteries, sunglasses, candy and Preparation H. That is an interesting lineup! Thanks for commenting!

    Lastly – Pop song death match: “Get Lucky” vs. “Blurred Lines” what do you think?